HELLO x)
Hope all of you are fine. Sorry for the lazy me to keep update my lovely blog. I have story for you now. It will be a loooong post so are you ready? Here we go! xD
This post is about honesty. I do have wish for December to make the 2011 a more wonderful year. It’s for my family. For your information, i have one sister and brother so since i’m the oldest then it makes my family member consists of 5 people. They all mean a lot to me. But sometimes i have to admit they become to be the most annoying and cruel person in this world. It becomes worse when i finally have to go back home for a while. I have been separated and lived independent since i was seventeen years old. That time, i had to continue my study to Malaysia so i just went home for about maximum two months. Since i finished my study and i was looking for a job and scholarship for master then it had me to go back home. Actually i was extremely happy cuz i was in Tunisia for six months where it was far away from Indonesia. Of course, Malaysia is way near compare to North Africa, Tunisia so i can be easily don’t miss my home when i was there. However, you can’t always get what you want and things can be so different when you used to live far from family then you have to be home again.
The first month was okay. My home got renovated and it made me more comfortable. It was a surprise too. Well, supposely i was looking for my scholarship but hey, it was so boring! To be honest i hoped i can go back to Tunisia or Malaysia at the second day in home. I have nothing to do. My Dad didn’t allow me to work cuz he was afraid i will lose my concentration. Okay, i stay at home. Sleeping. Eating. Watching boring Indonesian Serial TV. Playing with my sisters and brothers. Meet some old friends. Visit Bali and my big family there. We had Idul Fitri also. It was fun for two months. Until, i really have to face the real wild people at my own home. Yeah, i don’t say that i’m the only kind and generous person here but i don’t know how to tell you.
I was an untidy person. You can see all books scattered everywhere, socks, and even you can’t walk inside my bedroom. It happened in high school. I considered this as right-brained people, when you just put all the things anywhere but you remember where you put it. You don’t need someone to arrange it for you. Yes, it was me, that time. My mom always screamed, “Ulka, you are such a mess! What do you want to be, huh?“ and i just, “Okay, don’t worry. I will clean it later.” And i never clean or make it nicer. Haha Everything changed when i moved to Malaysia. I learned that your roommate won’t respect you if you don’t take care your things. People who come to your room will think you are a mess person when they open the door and see all things are on floor. You also have to learn packing and re-organizing your things every semester. Why? Because my dormitory ask for all students to pack their stuffs in semester break although you will stay in same room. Simply, i changed. I learned to make my things at the right place. Not only that, I learned how to iron and wash clothes. Yeah, i have never washed my clothes before. I did ironing to help Mom but generally, all stuff at home was done by My Super Mom. I changed a lot, to be an independent girl.
In Tunisia, i practice those things more. Oh yeah, i got my salary here so i can use the money for everything i need. In Malaysia, Dad sent me money every month but i also worked there to gain extra money. I worked as waitress at hotel and events, as catering staff, volunteer in sport national Malaysia event and lab assistant campus. I have learnt to make my own money but i have to admit that i need money from Dad as well. Okay, Tunisia also had shaped me to be more responsible with my self. I arrange where my money goes to, such as travelling, paying rent, transportation, hang out with friends and simply for everyday life, foods, all stuffs. Those are more complex than what i did in Malaysia. Alhamdulillah, i managed them well. I didn’t ask for money in six months cuz i promise to my self i will use salary for my living cost. Even though people suprised everytime i mentioned the number of my salary, they said it was small, but i proved i can make them enough for all months during internship in Tunisia. I did that because i realize i am growing up and i can’t stand behind Dad’s money forever. Someday, i will have my own life with husband and kids later so i have to learn from now. Tunisia life was challenging-silly-happy-beautiful memories. I think it was turning point of my life. I had the revolution of Tunisia and revolution of my self. Don’t worry, i will tell my expriences later on.
Time flies and i finally got home. Everything becomes different. I miss my salary which i always got at the end of month. Because it was so uncomfortable when you have to ask money from parents after being a while had your own money. My family is not a rich one, we live enough for living. Everyday, i regret to come back and stay “menumpang” with parents. I call it “menumpang” because i ask them money and a place to live when before i got used to work and make money. I feel shy because i am the oldest and i don’t have any job. Actually, Dad doesn’t allow me to work so that’s the reason i just stay home spending time in internet for browsing master degree scholarship. My plan to go back home was to learn Bali Dance, Tari Pendet and take French course also Toefl Test. But all of them didn’t happen cuz of other silly reasons. Yet, i’m a jobless. I am not a student not yet a bachelor. I wasn’t graduated that time cuz my convocation will be held in October. Some improvement happened after October, i got freelance job at my old internship place. Even i got new job, i kept thinking about home. About my family. My brother was extremely crazy fourteen years old child. He like to lock my door from outside and it made me can’t go to pee for a night. I just stayed at room and noone was awake cuz he locked me when others slept already. Secondly, he took my internet modem and keep it in hideous place. Thirdly, he took my charger laptop. He never listen to anyone’s order and will bring the remote television everywhere he goes. He was afraid someone will change the channel. My sister, Dayi, is so sensitive. It is dangerous for me cuz i like to say something that for joking but sensitive people will take it as hurting them. Once, it was about laptop and made me go out from home with short pants and shirt for sleep. I walked away cuz i really pissed of. My mom looking for me and asked to go home. I did it all for Mom. I amaze how she can handle things at same time. She does all chores such as washing&ironing clothes, cooking, sweeping, moping, etc. I don’t know, i think she become a housewife&maid only for my family. Noone help her. Since i’m home now so i help her to do things. But my sister and brother, they don’t. They never put shoes at the shelves, even though the shelves is provided right at the front door. Never put towel or everything they use and put it back at the right place. Sometimes they put the three days lunch box at the sink which made the bad smell spreaded all over kitchen. I was like them long time ago. And picturing them now, was really made me sad. I did bad things to Mom and i don’t want to repeat again. I don’t expect my brother&sister to do big things. As simple as helping Mom in weekend and manage their things are a lot help. Switch lamps, fans, TV after use it, wash their lunch box everyday, just as simple as that, will be a big help.
Sometimes i think this home feels like jungle, even my university in Malaysia which is located in real jungle, is a much better. Because i can manage my things, put all things in right place, make it tidy and comfortable room. I have friends who also know how to respect others. Okay, they are still young, i can’t force them to do the same like me. Mom said, i am the oldest, i have to be mature and show them good example. But, hey, i’m tired to do everything when they just laying on bed or watching TV. I know they don’t feel the way i feel now. I really want to make them realize that they can’t always scream, MOM and Voila! You got your uniform for school or MOM! And your lunch is on table. Man, You don’t have a genie like Aladin who will do everything for you. That’s why, i want them to go abroad and feel the real life out there. I want them to go to boarding university and learn how to wash their clothes like i did. I want them to feel how to stand of hunger when you don’t have money but don’t want to ask Dad cuz you know your family situation. I want them to realize that they have been made their beautiful Mom as their “official maid” for many years. I want them to feel guilty for all mistakes they had done. I just want them to be a better person. I know it will be like moving a mountain to change someone in their ages. But people change and it’s all depend on them what they wanna be, a good or bad person. I don’t say i’m a perfect but i know i have been a better person compare to Ulka three years ago.
For Mom, i want to give her money to open new business. She likes to cook, a lot and she has talent for it. That makes me always have dinner at home cuz for me it’s the best taste than any other restaurants. Mom has potential to be entrepreneur as well, before she cooked cookies for Idul Fitri and sold out. She created sweet chocolate also and she practiced cooking at home. She is always asked me to help her but i wasn’t like cooking so i never really interested. Now, i know cooking is one of cool skills especially for living abroad. You can create good impression from your cooking skills and once again, i regret not to practice those skills with Mom before. Sadly, Mom doesn’t have time for create innovation in cooking cuz she has to do all chores at home. she is too tired to do all things. She is skinny but compare to me who has more meats in my body, she is stronger. Dad, i admire him as a leader in family. Although, there are some parts i don’t like, i always say he is a good man. He never say no when i ask about tuition fee even he doesn’t have a lot money. Dayi went to catholic high school and Angga went to national plus school. It needs big amount of money to pay their school fees. Not including, high living cost in Jakarta but he is always say “Don’t worry. I’ll send money tomorrow” even though he doesn’t have it. He will do anything for our education, especially when he knows i got accepted in Malaysia. He was happy but also thinking how to manage the finance situation. Tunisia flight costs him around fiveteen million rupiahs and that makes me promise to live independent there. One day, i still remember, Dad said, “Sorry, i can’t buy you expensive things like your friends have. But sure, i teach you with the best education i know, i don’t care with my good position at job, i don’t have a fancy car as long as my children can go to the best school. Hope all of you will be success and know how to implement your knowledge later.” Dad calls it teaching the human resources to be the best resources which can be useful for others. Yeah, dad has good position at office but he uses his money for his children education not for the consumerism. However, there are some big changes in life i did it for him and family. I knew people got shocked but as long as Dad and my beloved family are happy, i’m willing to do it. I don’t care what people say but i know Allah will give me second chance later when there is a right time. For me, family is the first priority to be happy and hopefully, people will understand. I just want Dad realize about his family as well. I want him to open his mind and find what his true heart needs. Sometimes people got too shy to know what they really need in this life. They are afraid the decision will make their family and friends hate them. They are shy and worry. But all you have to do is ask again to yourself, what do i need? Not what i want, then let Allah guide you to right way.
Sorry for the long post, since i mentioned it before, i hope you ready to read until the end ;) Eventually, my wish for December is fulfill the requirements and submit them for scholarship. This scholarship is everything to me. I need it for helping my study next year and i promised to have the same life in Tunisia which is live independent without money from Dad. I believe i can do it. My goal next year is to live financially independent. Hope i will get this scholarship so i can help family and others. It’s almost five months i’m home, feels like longer! This is the longest time i stay home after living abroad. That leads me to make some reflection about family. Hope it will lead the reflection for your family too. I found that i can't stay at home for too long. Just a little time in home is enough for me. For you who have the damn naughtiest brother and sister, you are not alone, dude! Anyway, I will face a new different life with big changes happen next year. I have never imagined about it so wish me luck! Are you curious? Follow my next posts! Thank you for reading! Hope you like my Honesty Story x)
“Family is they, who can always accept who you are no matter what your condition is”
HUGS,
Chandit
