God Speeeeddd!

How was October? Hm..it was nice..full of intrigue and sadness. Haha. Anyway, i shouldn't write about it, i know. But..that's the truth. I was abandoned by my Ex-boyfriend. Okay, we've broken up since May but i felt so guilty to make that such decision. But though i still keep my heart for him..he has crush to someone else. That's wrench. Miserable. I don't know..it's so sad to know someone you love..doesn't love you anymore. The saddest thing is, in the mean time you are totally love him. For the way he is, not for everything else. Well, that's life. And i got bad pimples for the whole month. Haha. I went to his convocation with the pimples around and love for him. But he dumped me. So sad. Okay, stop talking about it. 

Well, after that, i was able to get move on. I realize that we can't always rely on someone for loving us, even though we really love him.Ya, that's the truth. Anyway, I've been quiet busy in October. I worked a lot. I read thesis. Finally after lose focus in the beginning of the month cuz of the sucks relationshittt* i was able to get myself back on track. I made the right decision. I think so. I decided to accept the scholarship and postpone my wild dreams to go to Paris. I always love Paris. For me, it's the most romantic city in the world. Though my friend who went there said "Oh, it's just normal. Like any other city. It's dirty, many beggars and black people." Okay..but i haven't been there so i won't believe it. I'll keep the beautiful and magical city of Paris inside my heart. Annd, i have been through  many discussions about the scholarship. To take it or not take it. My parents have been so worried for me rejecting the scholarship. My grandma emailed me and asked for the reasons. Many people were worried. They were worried cuz they were afraid i will take the wrong decision. After some discussions, i finally decided to take it. Yes, i'll spend my life here, in this sucks jungle with the monkeys and birds. Where all you can see the blue sky and sunny sun. Okay, I'm blabbering.

Well, i've been regretting about many things this month. It's like haunted me..a lot. I (still) regret that i didn't take my boss offer. I should be in Tunisia now. I mean before September..i should enjoy my life there. I should have learned French. I should have gone traveling and haven't stuck in this jungle. I should..have made more friends. I shouldn't have broken up with him. I shouldn't have done this and that. And i remember about my past childhood friendship trauma. I believe that no one will be there for me. That i will always be alone. No one want to be friend with me. It's sad. Once i have someone..he will go away from me. I won't have friends like the long last one..8-10 years. Like many people had. It's all about the regrets. I regretted that i haven't been such a good friend. I tried to..but i don't know people always run from me. I don't have any roommate. Well, i have..but she is gone. She went back to Perlis and Medan. I have no one to talk to. I always go alone everywhere. If people ask me, "Are you alone?" I will reply, "Yes. Why?" Yes, I'm alone. You can't always go everywhere with your friend, right? She's also has other thing to do. What hell is wrong if you go alone? It's normal. And, yeah, friends are always busy. I am separated from them, i stay on the first floor and they are on the third floor. So, it's rarely for me to go with them. Once i met someone to talk to..it's Lii Na..my housemate in Tunisia. We talked through Skype. Finally i can let out all my burdens. Huff. 

It was on the Idul Adha celebration when i have to do the poster for my event. Nobody helped me. It's so funny that when all people were busy visited their relatives and i got stuck with my poster. I have to submit it for event. I also managed to get friend with the people in university. I mean, start from the "Nasi Ayam" cashier. I went to campus by his motor bike. This time i realize that the job at top up counter helps a loot. I get along with Kakak "Nasi Ayam" as well. I made friends with all people. I was quiet close with Uncle bus driver. I has his number and always texts him when i wanna go to campus. Since we just had 1 bus for every 1 hour. It was holiday, anyway. And i also amazed by his caring since once, he went all around university just to find food for me. It was at night, I said i had gastric and he became panic to find food. Finally we ended up at "Nasi Kandar" which provided me a dinner. It was nice. I made friends with stranger. And this time, again, Indian.

I'm still stuck with my free-beautiful life in Tunisia. I wanna have a life like that again. I'm stuck that i can't have it here. Like..i always free..to go anywhere and do anything. I can buy everything with my salary. I can make friends with people all around the world. I have someone to talk to. Aah... But, i realize that God is kind to me. I got anything i want. Well, not all. I have got one referred journal and went to one conference. So, i just need to submit one more paper to ISI, or SCOPUS and go to another conference in Paris..of course. Yes, i can finish my PhD, soon. And, ya..i got better condition in my academic. I learn that we should thankful for what we have given. I have this opportunity. I can finish fast and get Doctor title. I went to campus everyday. At least, it's a new building for me. Better than, the same building..I can't imagine that. I learn how to appreciate the nature that we have. It is a new environment..for me..at least. I appreciate every small things. From the friends that not so close. I want my best friends to be here..but they are not here. So i have no choice, i have to be friend with them who are not-so-care. I think i just need to be positive all the time. I know this is the best that God give to me. We should always be positive, right?

So, since it's November already..Here are the Gotta-finish List:

1. Proposal Defense : write 3 chapters before going home!

2. 30 Hari Menulis 2 : I'm sucks in the first one x|

3. 30 Hari Melukis.

4. Suprise for someone.

5. Catatan Harian Tunisia!!! (URGENT)

6. Join Equestrian --> ride Storm ;)

7. Play Basketball (for real)

8. Life review and reflection stuff..

9. Prepare the itinerary for holiday.

10. Be positive and happy..always x)

Have a nice November! Bye October!

Speed 100 km/hour

Good Luck,

Chandini

The Thing About Missing People..

I Miss You. We should come back to Tunisia. We should meet somewhere in Europe, Asia, America, or anywhere else in this world. We should have what so called reunion and hug and scream to each other. I know we will meet someday. Someday.




Hasta La Vista! ♥
Chandini

♥

You Are Not Alone. Somebody is there for You. 

Thank you for skype time, Liinaaa ;)  :*

Sleep tight,

Chandini

What You Should Know About PhD?

"Apart from PhD, life goes normal. Everything should goes like normal. PhD is just a part of life journey."

"After PhD I have a little amount of saving. Before, salary just goes on without notice."

"Always bring pen and notebook. Write down all your idea there."

"Travelling is good for finding an idea. After travelling all the ideas are there and you can work fast."

"When you find a literature, write it down directly. Don’t wait. They don’t care what you did before. They just concern your writing. You write poor or well?"

"We get the pure idea during praying time and inside the bathroom."

"Know your strengths and weaknesses."

"I do all my stuff for PhD. I go squash, shopping, fishing with children for stimulating the idea."

"I can finish fast because I have good writing skill and English."

"At that time I face a choice between life or dead, so PhD is just small thing among big thing."

"It depends on you. If you choose a topic that maybe you don’t really keen in but you know you are able to finish it on time, your supervisor supports you, you can do it, then it’s good. Compare to something that you really like and it’s unable to finish then it’s not good."

"Get back to work, focus and accelerate!"

- Nice sharing with Dr. Arifin ;) Thank you Encik! :)

Go PhD Go!

Chandini

If You Wonder How to Know People Emotions

" Bahwa yang perlu kau lakukan adalah memperhatikan gerak-geriknya, merasakan aura yang memancar dari padanya, menatap matanya dalam..memandang pada senyum yang ia lontarkan. Untuk mengerti apa yang tengah ia rasakan. "

I Need A New Food, Please...

20th of October, 2012
Place: Bukit Kachi Mall
Time: 1 PM

Me and my friends are having lunch together. It is lunch hour, cafe is full  of people.

Putri: Why it is getting more crowded?
Gue: Don't wait..it won't get less crowded..
Putri: Oh ya.. okay..hahaha

(Putri goes back to her blackberry. Me and Nisa are chit chatting while eating)
Putri: I wanna go buy lunch. See first which one is good.
Me and Nisa: Okay.. :D

After a few minutes..
Putri: Oh..nothing good. Even the rice has finished. :|
Me: Maybe in that shop .. (I pointed at the other food stall)
Putri: Alright..

(Again, Putri is busy with her Blackberry. And after some minutes she goes to the food stall)
Putri: Ah..I eat here just for survive.
Me: Haha. The foods are the same everyday xD
Putri: Yeah. It's boring. Like my friend said, he's from Iraq, "I just eat here for survive. I eat, swallow without taste it.
Me: Hahahaha (Big laugh)
Putri: Hehe Anyway, what do you usually call this thing? (Putri shows me the beans on her plate)
Me: Beans..?
Putri: Do you know what they call it here?
Me: Noo..
Putri: Poka..it's Poka.. I just know it..
Me: Hahaha cute.. i just know it from you xP


The Food Boredom, sucks :|


Regards,
Chandini

Nothing Compares You, Darling :*

Obrolan di Pagi Hari

28 September 2012

Ibu: Iya ya, kalo kuliah di sini memang bagusnya langsung ambil Master. Karena kalau hanya S1 diakui D4 di Indonesia.

Saya: Iya Bu tapi supervisor saya sendiri bilang, kalau mata kuliah di sini memang sudah padat. Jadi walaupun seperti SKS saya jumlahnya 114 itu memang sudah porsinya. Kalau di Indonesia jumlah SKS 144 karena memang sudah campur dengan mata kuliah pokok kan bu jadi kalau dikurangi jumlah sebenarnya adalah 120.

Ibu: Iya tapi itu memang ada kelebihannya justru mata pelajaran seperti PPKN, agama itu penting untuk mahasiswa. Dan lagipula, dari situ kita bisa belajar. Seperti dokter, kalau di Indonesia walaupun S1 dia sudah bisa pegang pasien..sudah dipercaya.

Saya: Oh iya ya Bu..

Ibu: Iya..kalau di luar negeri tidak bisa..justru dia harus ambil spesialis dulu kalau tidak orang tidak mau berobat sama dia. Kalau di Indonesia dasarnya sudah kuat. Dia  juga sudah mahir dalam praktek. 3.5 tahun untuk kuliah 2 tahun KOAS lalu setelah itu dia sudah bisa mengobati. Dia bisa buka praktek..sudah bisa dilempar kemana-mana

Saya: Iya ya Bu..

Ibu: Kalau dokter Indonesia walaupun dia spesialis dia tahu penyakit umum. Karena dia sudah belajar, ada dasar Seperti dokter kulit dia tahu penyakit dalam..obatnya apa saja..dia tahu itu. Kalau di luar negeri dia belajarnya lama karena harus spesialis dulu baru bisa praktek. Dia tidak mahir dalam praktek.

Saya: Iya ya bu..Om saya juga dokter kulit, Beliau paham kalau saya tanya soal penyakit ringan karena Beliau sudah belajar ya Bu. Kawan saya juga kuliah di Jerman ambil kedokteran lama sekali kuliahnya belom selesai sampai sekarang.

Ibu: Iya karena dia kurang dalam praktek dia mungkin bisa baca aja. Kalau Indonesia sudah banyak kasus dipegang untuk S1..itulah mereka bisa. Lalu kalau di luar negeri itu dia hanya fokus satu saja, kalau belajar soal tangan..tangan saja yang dipelajari sampai mendalam. Dia tidak tahu penyakit umum. Kalau Indonesia dia paham karena itu tadi kan..dia sudah ada dasar.

Saya: iya ya bu..

Ibu: Lalu lihat..kalau di Indonesia kuliah ekonomi dapat pengantar ilmu hukum..ilmu sejarah..begitu sebaliknya. Itulah penting karena untuk pengetahuan kita karena nanti belum tentu kan kita ambil kuliah hukum lalu mau jadi jaksa. Bisa saja jadi pegawai bank..itulah kalau di bank lihat ada yang lulusan sarjana kehutanan karena memang mereka juga dapat pengantar ilmu ekonomi. Bagus juga..jadi kita bisa kerja dimana-mana..dilempar kemana-mana.

Saya: Iya bu..betul..saya juga merasakan..

Ibu: Walaupun kadang memang suka bingung juga kenapa ya mata kuliah kita banyak sekali. Tapi memang kurikulum kita bagus kok. Coba di sini..penduduk hanya 28 juta jiwa sementara kita 260 juta jiwa. Sering ada yang bilang ya negara kita itu begini..begitu..padahal yang buat hanya satu dua orang.  Itu kan..Dia buat rumah sakit besar-besar tetapi tidak ada pasiennya..makanya dia promosi ke Makassar..kemana...karena tidak ada pasar  di sini..sepi pasien. Kalau Indonesia buat rumah sakit kan pasti banyak pasien. Itulah dia menarik pasien dari Indonesia.

Saya: Betul Bu..

Ibu: Kampus kita juga sedang gencar ke Indonesia. Buat kerjasama dengan univ di Solo..dimana.. karena kalau bukan orang Indonesia siapa lagi yang ke sini. Arab sedang bergejolak..tidak bisa mereka..paling hanya satu dua yang mau..Sama seperti Singapura dia juga menarik pasar dari Indonesia.

Saya: Betul ibu..itu supervisor saya semester lalu sedang promosi besar-besaran ke Indonesia. Ke Palembang, Solo, dll. Bapak saya juga telepon..kampus kita pasang iklan gede di Kompas. Wah Kompas kan koran nasional Bu..Taglinennya: Mimpi, harapan, cita..

Ibu: Dan pasti mahal harganya.. itulah sekarang mereka baik sama kita karena percuma kampus besar, gedung bagus seperti ini kalau tidak ada student kan..Satu-satunya pasar besar ya Indonesia..makanya saya paling males kalau ada yang merendahkan Indonesia..Itu dulu lecturer seperti gimana gitu ke kita tapi sekarang mereka sudah lunak lah..karena darimana mereka dapat gaji kalau bukan dari kita? Ini TNC saja sudah bilang kalau 80% biaya operasional itu untuk gaji. Jadi jangan macam-macam dengan kita..

Saya: Iya ya Bu..

Ibu: Iya dia sudah merasa maju padahal dia perlu orang Indonesia. Dulu saya susah sekali dapat kamar di sini tapi sekarang teman-teman saya sudah mudah. Mereka uruskan..Dulu ada satu staff yang merendahkan gitu gimana ya..saya langsung lapor ke atasan dan dia sudah tidak diperpanjang lagi tugasnya..dia pikir Indonesia ini hanya pembantu-pembantu saja..tidak..kami kuliah di sini.. Itu Air Asia juga bangkrut itu kalau tidak ada orang Indonesia..siapa yang mau terbang?

Saya: Iya Bu..yang banyak kuliah S3 di sini juga orang Indonesia ya Bu..

Ibu: Betul..itu makanya Malaysia juga belajar ilmu kedokteran ke kita..Kalau buat saya Indonesia itu tidak ada duanya..sebaik apa pun negara lain..masih baik Indonesia..saya selalu Cinta dengan Indonesia..

Saya: Betul Ibu..saya juga rindu sekali dengan Indonesia..

I Wanna Stay Energetic But I Don't Drink Coffee...

Place: Smart Reading Room Library

Time: 4.30 PM

Conversation between two (un)busy students..

Me: Hey, how’re you? How’s everything?

Her: I’m so busy now. I am frustrated. I have many assignments and projects.

Me: Oh yaa..i was like you before. In my last semester I have three jobs and 6 subjects. If you need a break, take it and do your study.

Her: Yaa, I know.

Me: All you have to do is make the priority. Tell them that you need a break for your exam and study then they’ll understand.

Her: But, if I say “I need a break.” My friend will say, “I can still handle it why you can’t?” And I think, okay..i’ll take it.

Me: Oh yaa..

Her: I’m gonna think..okay I can do this. Even though I’m so busy.

Me: You see, different person, different perceptions. Your friends can handle it but maybe you can’t.

Her: Yeah, and different course as well.

Me: Yaa…exactly. Some course have many assignments and some are not.

Her: True. And I hate to have body that needs to sleep.

Me: Ahaha (laugh)

Her: Yaa..when I feel tired and I need to sleep then I just overslept. It wastes time.

Me: Hahaha yeah..: But you can manage your sleep. 6 hours.

Her: Yeah but sometimes if I’m so tired then I will sleep for long time.

Me: Haahaha

Her: I have friend who just sleep for three hours but they are still energetic. They can last for long.

Me: Oh, really?

Her: Yeah, we are in a busy organization and sometimes we have conferences and stuffs. We just have few hours for sleep and have to wake up again. But these people they never look tired and sleepy. I always think, How come? They just sleep for maybe two-three hours.

Me: Wow. Maybe they drink vitamins..

Her: Yeah, you know..i think it's all because coffee. All people in organization drink coffee. I don’t drink coffee.

Me: Yeah, me too..

Her: I just drink Green Tea Latte in Starbucks. Because the taste is more to Green tea not to coffee that’s why I drink it.

Me: I rarely drink coffee. Maybe it’s just three to four coffees that I drink within 22 years.

Her: Really?

Me: Yeah. I don’t drink coffee. I always sleep at 9 PM and wake up at 3 AM. That’s how I manage my time and study.

Her: Yeah, me too. I prefer to sleep early and wake up earlier.

Me: But you can have a strategy for coffee you know, you can take it after lunch and after 40 minutes you can wake up because the caffeine.

Her: Oh..but all of them love coffee. So I think I’m not the chosen one in organization. They always ask me to “drink coffee” but I can’t.

Me: No, no, you’re the real one. You just need to manage your time well. It’s just different what you can take and theirs. Or maybe you can do exercise, jogging or swimming. It will help you to stay up. 

Her: Ya..ya..i always jog i have time.
Me: I do jogging at Kachi. It's big field you can run. Or at sport complex.
Her: Yaa..i do jogging at Kachi as well. But i don't like the track you know, it's going up and down. Up and down. 

Me: Hahaha yeah..So you are in the last semester now?

Her: No, I’m in the last year. I’m in fifth semester. I have two organizations, one in here and another for national team.

Me: Me too. I have the national organization for Indonesia Association.

Her: I’m the team leader for the org. We work for the reworks.

Me: Me too! What is it?

Her: We create a dinner. Are you coming?

Me: Aha..yeah..when is it?

Her: March 2013. We’re gonna make it.

Me: Cool! Sure! So how’s your team?

Her: We work fun together. We don’t stress the things, we don’t have oriented results like other teams.. we must get 5 EPs and bla bla..

Me: Good. We have similar task..as team leader x)

Her: Okay, I think I have to go. Bye!

Me: Okay! See you!

Drink coffee or not..it's up to You ;)

Cita dan Cinta

Adakalanya kita sadar bahwa semuanya sudah terlambat. Bahwa ternyata dia telah melakukan segalanya untuk kita. Namun, seperti peribahasa "Gajah di pelupuk mata tak terlihat, semut di seberang lautan terlihat", justru yang sering nampak adalah kekurangan dari orang tersebut. Lalu kita berusaha mengumpulkan segala alasan yang memenuhi kepala tentang dia dan segala hal yang tidak ia punya. Dan, saat itu tiba, ketika, kita memutuskan untuk mengkahiri semuanya. Satu hal yang ada adalah keinginan untuk berpisah dan pergi sendiri. Satu bulan..dua bulan..kita sadar bahwa itu hanyalah sekedar keinginan bukan kebutuhan. Perlu diketahui, keinginan dan kebutuhan adalah dua hal yang berbeda. Ketika kau ingin membeli suatu barang, kau harus yakin betul bahwa kau benar membutuhkan barang tersebut. Bukan hanya menginginkan atau terpesona oleh keindahannya. Ini untuk memastikan uang yang kau habiskan tidak terbuang sia-sia. Sama halnya dengan cinta, kau harus benar mengerti dan yakin apa kau ingin bersamanya atau butuh bersamanya? Jika kau betul-betul ingin dan butuh, perjuangkan hal tersebut.

Namun, sekali lagi, semua sudah terlambat. Nasi sudah menjadi bubur. Kata sudah salah dimengerti. Ia yang kau kira akan selalu ada untukmu, telah pergi. Walau kau telah menyimpan segala harta untuknya. Walau kau menutup pintu hati, hanya untuk dirinya. Ia tak akan kembali. Mungkin ini adalah kesalahpahaman atau memang sudah jalannya? Cerita itu telah berakhir. Dan harus ada cerita baru untuk menggantikannya. Seberapa kalipun kau berusaha menyadari bahwa cerita indah ini memang sudah berakhir..kau tidak bisa. Entah, mungkin belum..kau belum bisa menerima dan sadar sepenuhnya akan kenyataan. Iya kau telah sadar, lalu kembali buram, sadar kembali, buram dan (nanti) akan sepenuhnya sadar. Aku yakin itu. Nikmati saja perjalanan ini. Dan, sekali lagi, bisikkan pada dirimu, "Memang sudah saatnya untuk berakhir." 

Hidupmu akan terus berjalan, Nak..

With Love,

Chandini

I Don't Know What Should I Say About This..

Remuk.  Redam. 

Sekian.

When You Miss Somebody And You Can't Say It

I Miss YOU

x')

#30. I Commit to a New Religion, You? - Part 1

A Journal from 29th of September, 2012

Time: 11 AM
Place: Bukit Kachi Mall

I was sitting on the chair. Today is the first day for me to work at Kachi Mall. The newspapers are coming..an Uncle brought big piles of newspapers. I looked at him, smiled. Then he was busy with his list.

Uncle: Read this.. (give newspaper)
Me: Ah..thank you. I wanna read New Strait Times.
Uncle: Oo..okay. You are Malay?
Me: No, I'm Indonesian.
Uncle: Oh..i thought you're Malay. You don't look like Indonesian. I can recognize Indonesians.
Me: Haha.. yeah i've lived here quite long.
Uncle: How long?
Me: This is the fourth year.
Uncle: Oh..so how long more?
Me: 2 years more :D
Uncle: Oh..
 
(Uncle is busy with newspapers. I saw he brought the Readers Digest Magazine.)
 Me: You sell Readers Digest?
Uncle: Ya..ya..read it (give the magazine) You read it carefully and put it back at the shelf :D
Me: Haha..okay..

(I am reading newspaper.)
Uncle: So you are moslem?
Me: Yes.
Uncle: You like to read Qur'an, prays, shalawat?
Me: Yaa..i read it..
Uncle: You have to read them. It willl help you with everything you do. You'll gain more luck and kindness.
Me: (nodding)
Uncle: You read them and everything will be easy. You do your work it will be good. Your study is excellent.
Me: Aha..
Uncle: If you just focus with the world you'll just get a little. If you focus with heaven, you'll get more. and more.
Me: (keep nodding and smiling)
Uncle: You praise Allah SWT..you pray and everything will be fine.
Me: Ahaa..

(I notice that Uncle doesn't have the white mark that usually Indian has after pray in the morning.)
Me: So..are you moslem?
Uncle: No. I'm Bahar.
Me: Bahar?
Uncle: It's a new religion.
Me: But it's from Iran, a Moslem country. It started at 1819........

(Suddenly a customer came..)
Malay girl: "Kak, i wanna buy the sim card...



For your information, Uncle is the father of my boss, Kumar. They are Malaysian Indian.



To be continued.. ;)
Chandini