I wanna write about what has happened lately. What has been running on my mind for the past few days. Well, i realize about many things. Yeah, maybe it's kind of late. No, actually i have been thinking about it for long time. I realize about my current situation which there are certain parts that i like and don't. I am a twenty-two-year old girl lives in a northern jungle of Malaysia for the PhD study. Err..I like to call it a journey rather than study. Yes, from now on let's call it PhD journey xD I am back as a student after graduated last October. I still remember the offer from my boss in company where i did the internship. She offered me to continue work there after coming back home. That time i was happy and honored to get the opportunity. But i was thinking about doing master degree and many things. If i work, i would like to get a better company with better salary. And i would like to do it in Singapore or somewhere else that closes to Indonesia. After all the university things done then i come back to home. I was planning certain things to do such as, have internship in one of local radio station, take French course and go to Yogya for animation course. But nothing was accomplished, i did nothing. I just stayed at home, looking for jobs and scholarships. I don't know..i feel like i'm not productive at home. I hate my situation which i was finish study and would be graduated soon, but i don't have any job. I stay in my parents house. After 6 months working and have my own money, now i have to beg again, asking for money. Before i can do anything with my money, but that time, it was difficult. I don't want to ask Dad for money. I got fight with my sister and brother at home. I screamed many times that i wanna be in UUM, my (jungle) university. A bright light comes in the end of October that i got offer to continue directly to PhD. Yes, PhD and i don't need to continue to master degree anymore. Tempting, right? x)
After a long discussion, i decided to make research proposal and apply for it. "This is such a big opportunity and don't waste it", said Mom. Also i was working as freelance writer in HAI Magazine, Kompas Gramedia. I came back again after a short internship before. So, at the end of 2011, my life was not boring anymore. I got something to do. I did the job as well as i can. Many interesting stories that i wanna tell you later about the freelance job. I took the IBT TOEFL in the end of year and yeah..the result was disappointed for only lack of 2 points from standard. Okay..i admit that i was too busy with freelance job as i did not have time to study. Then i got what i wanted, i flew back to Malaysia and stayed again in my university. I love it. I love my fantasy-beautiful-jungle university. The sky is always blue, the clouds are like the sweet cottons that you can eat. The green trees, blossom flowers, rivers, all the monkeys and animals, so peaceful, isn't it? I don't need the busy bustle city, i just need to stay there as long as i can. Time goes by, two months..three months..i started to feel bored. Yeah, the same environment and things to do are bored, right? That moment i realize that i need new place, new environment to be explored. I can't stay in the comfort zone. UUM is my comfort zone so i won't grow up there. I will just stay like that. I need to find new things to do.
Now, i am currently sitting on my friend-cousin's room in Maluri, Kuala Lumpur. I was here since last week. I didn't go back for Idul Fitri Day so i decided to have a sweet escape to the capital city. I miss the noisy and crowded city. I met some friends and see their life now. They work, have their own rent home, much money. Of course, compare to the student like me, their salary are more than enough to afford a life they want. Then, i started to regret about things in the past. I should just take the offer from my boss. I just worked there for two months so it's okay to stay a bit longer. I should stay in Tunisia to improve my French. I shouldn't go back to home since there was nothing to do. I should stay in KL to work for part time or to figure out something else. I should.......... so many things bothering my mind. But..i know, i can't turn the past back in. I should be thankful for my situation now. I can finish all the degree in young age. If i can manage the PhD journey for 3 years, i will be a (insha Allah) Doctor in 25 years old. Then i can do anything that i want, work as lecturer, writer, travel around the world. Yeah, i should appreciate and make the best of it. If i get the scholarship and job, i can get my own money. I can send it for family at home and live financially independent. I would love it. x)
Oh ya, i traveled to Melaka, two hours drive from KL. I stayed in my ex-roommate house when i was undergraduate. It was nice x) Kak Zatul Family is warm and welcome. She just gave birth and her baby is sooo cuteee. xD Her name is Arisa. I love to see the small-little baby. It's a masterpiece of Allah SWT to create such a baby that will become a big human. Accidentally, (i know it's not accident), i found a book named "The Power" on Kak Zatul's book shelf. Another book from "The Secret" that hooked me. I just opened random page and when i read it...all the sentences are sooo reflected my current situation. I admit that i still can't let go of things in the past. I don't know why all the pictures and memories from past are coming back and haunts my life. I remember my childhood, high school memories, last year in Tunisia. Many things, included the ones in previous paragraphs. Then i know, i gotta let go. I just need to remember the happy memories. If you still remember those bad moments then it will come to your pictures in life now. It was over, all the negative things were done. You are a new - rebirth person. You are better now. So, you don't need to put the bad pictures anymore. Let them go and make it as lessons. You have a new life from now on. If you are happy with the past that will come to your present life. Happiness. You don't need to remember the things that will make you feel bad. So just start to pin the good pictures on mind. Enrich and embrace your life! x)
One more, stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has own uniqueness and there's only You in this world. Meanwhile, start competing with yourself, targets in life.
For those who just broke up..let him go. Let her go. It is a new path in front of you, right now. Make a better life x)
"The Power" Book
PS: Sorry for the low resolution pictures ;)
Let Them Go *)
Chandini
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